This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
