you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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