I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't turn off my feet"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize