Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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