Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
