i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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