I wish my penis had an off switch
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize