Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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