I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.