i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
