i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
