i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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