i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
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I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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