he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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