if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?