Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.