dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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