i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes