WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.