Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.