You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.