Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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