Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
