so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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