i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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