my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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