I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
