So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
