Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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