my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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