I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
