it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
