so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
