I look better un-naked...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
