This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize