I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize