what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
