Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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