I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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