first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
