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my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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