I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
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just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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