i need an iv and a liver transplant
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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