I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
