dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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