Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We don't watch enough power rangers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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