I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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