It's Friday. Sex?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.