Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
