Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That's how pantless uber rides happen