...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.