They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.