Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...