I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)