i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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