I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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