so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize