i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
