the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
