a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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